Based on a True Story
by Mary M. Wilkins
He squeezes my hand as Pastor Tim welcomes everyone. I draw a deep breath and let my body sink into the chair. It’s funny how the chair doesn’t seem quite as uncomfortable tonight as it did just a few days ago. As I listen to the prayer, I start talking to God on my own. “Please help these people, Lord. I love them. Please use these circumstances to accomplish Your plan in each of their lives.”
Thomas squeezes my hand in both of his large work-worn ones. I look up into his intent gaze and answer his concern with a smile.
The next moment all eyes are on us. Thomas stands first, still holding my hand and I follow. I’m not slower, I’m not weak. Rather there is an incredible peace within me - which is so full and all-encompassing - that to move too quickly seems inappropriate somehow.
I look around the room smiling. These are my friends and acquaintances, some new and many old. My eyes are wet: not with sorrow but with tenderness. I am overwhelmed at the life God has given me - truly my cup runneth over.
We have agreed that Thomas will explain the situation with enough details that everyone might understand the circumstances. Then I will share how we are handling things. Clearly and methodically, my husband lays out the events before them.
“Ahem, thank you, Pastor Tim; let me assure all of you, I am not trying out for the role of preacher.” A few smiles and some chuckles help relax the looks of concern that have settled on many throughout the room. “First we want to thank all of you for your faithful prayers for Jane six months ago when she had her spleen removed. I know I’ve thanked you before, but those meals were very much appreciated - I’ve never preferred my own cooking - and I definitely preferred those desserts.” The whole room chuckled this time, as did I. I love this man. We are getting ready to climb a cliff and he’s delivering the news as gently as if he were tucking our son into bed when he was a little boy. My heart is so full; I begin to wonder if I will be able to speak at all.
“When the diabetes showed up just a little while later,” Thomas continued, “You gave Jane your favorite sugar free recipes and books. Again, thank you for supporting us through another transition.”
I watch Thomas’ mouth and eyes as he speaks. His words are soft and moving but clear and strong. I ask God for the millionth time, why me, Lord? Why am I the woman you chose to bless for all these years with such a man as this?
His eyes move around the room as he continues, “I know most of you personally. So speaking among friends as I am, I want to share what I read this morning during my quiet time. “I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth.”
Many nod their heads, a few folks answer amen, and a quiet halleluiah in the back seems to bounce gently around the room and then wrap itself around me. Thomas’ voice brings me back into focus.
“My Redeemer lives,” he repeats with even more conviction in his tone and expression. “He has given me life; He has forgiven me of my sins. He has delivered me from an eternity of paying for my own failings. He is above every god and every nation. He is alive and well: all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-present. Does anyone remember who made this pronouncement in scripture? I didn’t either - it was Job. Wealthy Job who lost his 10 children and everything he had on earth. Then he lost his health and his friends and servants would have nothing to do with him. When his three closest “friends” came to see him, they accused and corrected him. He cried out to them for pity, mercy and compassion. Then he declared, in Job 19:25-27:
• I know my Redeemer lives and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed,
yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him
with my own eyes—I, and not another.
How my heart yearns within me!”
My husband pauses. The room is so quiet, are they pondering the passage of scripture or holding their breath knowing there must be more? I try to imagine having the faith of Job in the face of such adversity.
Thomas speaks these next words with boldness and assurance: “So when I tell you that Jane has cancer in her pancreas, do not fear. We are not alone. You will not leave us alone. No one will accuse or abuse us. Our son and daughter and grandchildren will not shun us. We have not lost everything,” he pauses briefly and I see a bright joy come into his eyes, “But, even when we do leave this flesh - we will see God! In the end we..will.. see.. God.”
“My heart yearns within me,” I repeat these words to myself. Did I speak out loud? All eyes are now on me, so I say cheerfully, “My heart yearns within me!”
My husband turns to me with a smile, and I continue. “I just want to say that I truly love and appreciate all of you, my family and friends. There is a swell of excitement in my heart at the thought that I may indeed soon see God face to face. But (I look into the faces near me) a part of me also grieves at the thought of being parted from you all. Then I remember that we will meet again.” I smile at the upturned faces, some smiling through tears, others still in shock, still others trying to understand.
I continue with determination, “Please believe me when I tell you, that I am at peace. The doctors will be starting a series of injections that they believe will slow down the process of cancer in my body. I will do what they say is best for my physical body - because that is what they know about.
But what I know about is in this book. His Word tells me that I have an enemy, and if this disease is an attack from him, then I believe God for my deliverance out of the snare of the enemy. But if this disease is just a natural result of living in this fallen world then I will accept these circumstances. No one knows the future - no one is guaranteed tomorrow. I count it a blessing that the doctors have found the cancer that I may have time to love and be loved; to speak and to listen; to laugh and to cry. Thank you, all of you. You are very precious to me.”
I sit down; flushed and out of breath from excitement. Pastor stands up and says a few words before closing in prayer. The feeling of peace is more palpable to me at this moment than ever.
People start moving from their seats and murmuring amongst each other - immediately a woman makes her way to the seat in front of me - her face is red - from crying or holding back her tears - I don’t know. “Oh, Jane, please forgive me,” she continues choking with emotion, “Last summer when I came to you for counsel I know you thought I wasn’t listening - I didn’t want you to know - I was so angry at what you were saying because I knew it was true. Anyway, Jane, I did hear you. I really was listening. Please forgive me for my rebellious attitude. Forgive me for asking for help and then refusing it when you offered.” I nod my head, tears in my own eyes as she pours out her heart. With a few reassuring words, my full forgiveness and a hug, she moves away with a smile on her face. It is not difficult for me to forgive her. I know so well how much Christ has forgiven me.
Quickly more friends fill the spaces around me and words of encouragement pour over me. Much later, only a few people remain when a woman I do not know well approaches me hesitantly. I smile encouragingly and she quietly explains, “I have watched you from a distance. I have listened to you and witnessed your faithfulness. I want to thank you for all you have done.” I open my arms to embrace her, and she slowly moves in to be hugged. My hands still on her shoulders, I look gently into her eyes and say, “Thank you for blessing me with your words. I pray that God will bless you with the wisdom and understanding you seek.” We part as new friends.
Thomas makes his way to me and takes my hand in his. At this hour of night, he looks as young and as vibrant as when we first met, and again I am overwhelmed with gratitude.
“Are you okay?” Thomas waits until we are almost home before breaking the silence.
I look up into the rich velvet blackness of the night dotted by an occasional light as I explain, “I was pondering another reminder of the unconditional love of God. As His children we ask Him for wisdom. He gives it to us through a scripture or wise counsel. Some listen, some do not. Then when we go to Him, He receives both with open arms.”
We are now in the driveway and the soft glow of the lamppost fills the front seat. Thomas is looking at me with an expression of understanding that has been a source of strength to me for these 48 years. It is as if I can feel his heart beating inside of mine. Looking into his eyes of love, my heart is full. I know with everything inside of me that no matter what happens - it is well with my soul.
Written by Mary M. Wilkins
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