I am not a sports type of person but I do know that a foul in sports is something outside of the rule of play. I commit all sorts of personal fouls in my own life. When I am not kind in the words I speak to someone (also known as teasing, mocking, or “just telling the truth.”). When I don’t do what I said I would do (or not do).
But more often I notice the fouls that are done to me rather than by me. Such as thoughtless comments, feigned compliments, cold shoulders, silence, and all sorts of human error that floods this world and the people in it. As I ponder how difficult it is to lay down my hurt feelings again and again, and how much work and effort is sometimes required to be loving and caring of others, I think of a friend of ours named Jimmy.
Jimmy was one of those fringe friends. We were very young when we met him outside of a fast food place where he worked. He still lived at home, and it seemed to us he was more comfortable on the outside looking in. Being outsiders ourselves we took a liking to Jimmy. We occasionally hung out, eating pizza and talking about life. After we got saved, married and had a few babies Jimmy came with us to church. Outside of church he turned to us and said, “You have a good thing here, don’t ever let go of it.” Looking wistful but smiling he said his goodbyes. Later that year, or maybe a year later, we decided to have Jimmy over for a Christmas party. He didn’t answer his pager (hi-tech for those days) and I finally stopped by his work to try to catch him. He didn’t work there anymore but they gave me his home number.
I called as soon as I got home. His mom answered the phone. “Hello,” I said, explaining who I was, then I asked to speak to Jimmy. There was a moment of silence before she answered me. “Jimmy is dead, my dear.” My brain didn’t follow her, in my confusion I retaliated, “No, I’m sorry, I must have the wrong number.” Her voice was firm and strong, “The highway patrol found his car on the side of the road, when they searched the woods they found him. He had shot himself. “No!” I argued, “It can’t be him, we just saw him a few months ago!” She assured me, “No you didn’t, my dear. I am sorry to have to tell you he is gone.” Now it was my turn to be silent. “Okay,” I answered softly. I hope I remembered to tell her I was sorry.
So, now I say thank You, Lord, for Jimmy. Now my feelings of rejection and self-pity have vanished into the darkness where they belong. Thanksgiving is in one week! I imagine lots of mothers and fathers, siblings and friends who approach holiday celebrations with a lump in their throats and a pain in their heart. I picture each mother setting the table for one less loved one. I envision an emotional rollercoaster of family members counting their blessings and relaxing one moment and the next moment everyone remembering the one who is gone.
Rejoice with those who rejoice [sharing others’ joy],
and weep with those who weep [sharing others’ grief].
Romans 12:15
Amplified Bible (AMP)
Dear Lord, I lift up Jimmy’s family and all who face an empty seat during the holidays this year. I pray for Your tender loving care to flow down upon each one of them, that Your warm comfort will fill their hearts and souls. And for this life may we be truly grateful. In Jesus name, amen.
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