OUT OF DARKNESS

Have you ever felt so down you thought you would never get up again? Or have you had a friend or acquaintance who felt that way and you weren't sure how to help?

There have been times in my life when I was severely depressed. I had depleted all of my resources for living and simply wanted to lie down and never get up again in this world. I had given of myself so much, that I had no more left to give, even for myself. Much of this giving had been to cover up what I felt were major inadequacies in my life. Some of it stemmed from feeling guilty for things that I felt convinced were my fault that happened in my childhood, and I felt I could not live with myself with those memories. I felt I had totally corrupted what God had created when He made me. I even got so far as to write my own funeral, and I wanted this to be read:

"[She] has sinned greatly and so has become unclean. All who honored her despise her, for they have seen her nakedness; she herself groans and turns away. Her filthiness clung to her skirts; she did not consider her future. Her fall was astounding; there was none to comfort her. 'Look, O LORD, on my affliction, for the enemy has triumphed.' " Lamentations 1:8-9

What makes a person get this depressed when they have faith in God? I have had people say they don't understand how a Christian could possibly consider suicide. But even Christians can lose sight of what God can do. We can get tunnel vision and not be able to see a way out of our situation. Even if we know God can forgive anything, we may feel we can never forgive ourselves. That is when we need to be redirected back to see that God can handle anything - He is greater than any problems we might face and can turn them around in the most astounding ways. He might be using these situations to help us grow, or to teach us to forgive ourselves, or to help us learn to trust and rely on Him more fully. In fact, these troubles may even be used by Him later in our lives to help others in similar situations. Sometimes we need a good Christian friend to remind us of these things, or just to sit and cry with us and pray for us. We need to hear that someone understands our aching hearts, loves us, and won't abandon us. It is through our relationships like this that we see God's love at work and feel His comforting arms around us. All of us need to remember that we can be God's tool in the lives of others who are suffering and that it might save someone's life.

I thank God that He has helped me time and time again to get up and keep going, and that He has sent amazing Christian friends into my life at just the right times, without which I would not be here today to write this. It does not matter how overwhelmed I get, or how devastated I feel, or even how awful I think I have been, God will help me through it. May we all be ready and willing to be used by Him in the lives of others. He has great things in store for each of us, and brighter days ahead!

"He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains." Psalm 107:14
 
Written by Jan