Stand

I’ll never take for granted the blessing of never having been divorced, never having to split my children between two households and never having to battle with an unbelieving husband or ex-husband. But I know that there are many of you out there, and I applaud the stand that you take. Since this is a women’s ministry, I thought I would share an incident my friend experienced. Here’s the letter I wrote to her after she shared it with me…

Stand, my friend! Stand!

Picture it…all 300 pounds, flesh and bone, heaving in his anger. Squinting eyes burning holes into your heart, degrading smirk showing his power against you. All standing right there before you, your son’s father. He once had some sense…a fractional sum of decency…minute consideration for others…a slight idea of right and wrong. What has happened over the years? You’ve never known anyone so sick, so depraved, so confused. How did he get this bad, and how do you stand before him holding your ground? How do you shield yourself from his arrows? Better yet, how do you shield your son? You might as well be speaking to a foreigner, or worse, an alien for that matter. He receives nothing you have to say. You realize as you come to this conclusion that he feels the same about you. Everything he does is evil, yet he glorifies it. Every attempt you make to combat his evil seems useless. You’re nothing but a measly little soldier up against a Philistine giant. You stand there listening to him curse God and at the same time hear a thousand other voices in your head telling you what to do. Probing your way through the forest of choices in your head of what to say and how to respond, trying to figure out which one to grab hold of, your heart races with adrenaline, as his belly laugh echoes in slow motion drowning out any voice of reason. You’ve failed to find words that would quiet this vulgar monster.

“How can it be true? How am I supposed to release my child into the custody of this degenerate,” you ask yourself. You know exactly how dangerous he is. You look over at your 16 year old fruit of your womb lying on the couch, leg up in a cast, and you flash in your mind to only days before when you were rushing to the hospital begging God to let him be O.K. You remember the feeling of a giant rock, no a boulder sinking down into your gut when questions were asked by the doctor about his home life because his blood alcohol level was legally drunk when he smashed into the SUV while riding his skateboard. And where did he get this alcohol? From this man standing in your living room screaming at you to let the boy do what he wants to do and for you to stop talking about God. You’re forced by the law to let this man, who you were once married to, take your son into his lion’s den weekend after weekend, brainwashing him, intoxicating him, abusing him. Will he be protected as Daniel was in the midst of the lions? That boy doesn’t even remember who Daniel was, nor would he ever believe that his dad’s home is a lair of roaring lions waiting to devour him. In fact, in the middle of all the thought processes involved in those few moments of standing face to face with what feels to you like your worst enemy, you yourself forget that God is more powerful than you’re ex-husband or the puppeteer that’s using him to torment you and your family. But that’s just it, it’s the puppeteer who’s your worst enemy.

You muster up enough strength to flash a courageous smile on your face and tell your son that you love him. You remind him of all of the doctors’ orders, and tell him you’ll see him on Sunday. Your choice to listen to the voice of truth that your child will be in God’s hands and that nothing can separate him from God’s love is a leap of faith. And so you’re rewarded with barely enough peace to get through the weekend. Your faith shielded you from the powerful punches of your foe. Now that the blows have whizzed past you leaving you amazingly unharmed, you peak around the corner of your shield to get a good look at this man through God’s eyes and you see him for who he truly is. Lost! He’s so lost and full of so much shame that he cannot even feel it anymore. He’s become numb to it. His surmounting misery is beyond belief. Beyond comprehension for someone such as yourself who knows the Lord, who knows grace, who knows redemption.

You’re no longer standing in fear, but filled with pity as you truly see his pathetic life. Yes, that’s how to do it. That’s how to stand before a Goliath. Keep on asking God to show you who this man really is. Pray for exposure, secrets to be revealed and justice to be served. Pray for God to give you compassion, not bitterness. Pray for your son to see the contrast between his parents –a desolate man wasting away in his sinful life, sad and pitiful –a woman growing wiser all the time as she stands firm in her faith day after day in the strength of the Spirit of God. Pray that he sees his dad as an example to avoid. Pray that he instead turns to his heavenly Father, following the example of you. Pray that God will give him the grace to never wallow in his own self-pity over who his dad turned out to be. Pray that he will always focus on the blessings God has given him, his siblings, his grandparents, his mom! And pray for God to have His way in your ex-husband, and for, if it is His will, God will use all of the circumstances in this man’s life to awaken his heart to a saving faith in Jesus Christ. But, in the meantime, do not stop standing in the battle. Put on the full armor of God. If God is with you, who can be against you? He just doesn’t stand a chance as long as you stand with the Lord by your side. Stand!

Written by Amie Spruiell