The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I don’t remember the issue, but I remember the feeling along with my explosive pronouncement,   

“I will not _____ until they_______!”

Immediately a voice inside asked, “What if they never do?”  Pausing I considered the situation, what if my child, my friend, or my spouse chooses to never do what I am demanding? What if they decide to be as stubborn as me and refuse to submit as long as it is a requirement demanded and not a choice given? Am I willing to shut down a relationship because of it?

Come to think of it, do I do that already? Do I say: I call her all the time, if she wants to talk - she can call me? Or do I close myself off to avoid the inevitable ups and downs of dealing with imperfect people living imperfect lives in an imperfect world? If I am waiting for the perfect friend, perfect child, perfect husband then I am waiting for heaven. I am not perfect. You are not perfect. Only Jesus can be and is willing to be our perfect friend.

Truth be told, what I think I want in a friend is an unrealistic ideal. I want someone who will love me no matter what, but I don’t want to hear any criticism or read any disappointment in their face. I want them to extend mercy to me; I want them to assume I meant no harm when I inevitably say or do some thoughtless or careless thing.

Did you say something? Yes, I thought you did. How very clever of you to ask. Am I the kind of friend I am longing for? After all, in most cases a healthy relationship is a two way street. Hmmm, let me be very honest. I have tried to be that friend and I have found the burden of that type of friendship unbearable. In my experience it is only bearable under these three conditions: one, that there is a lightness in the relationship (meaning that we have other relationships and we are not overly dependent on one another); two, my relationship with Christ is center stage and in good working order (meaning I talk to Him much and pour out my inner thoughts and concerns to Him); and three, that we are able to be honest with one another.

We humans are a box of surprises. Open us up and we are loyal, kind and thoughtful. Stay a while and discover that we are selfish, insecure and needy. Walk through a crisis with us and find support, love and empathy. We can pursue righteousness, increase faith and develop maturity in order to become more good, less bad and less ugly. Yet we remain imperfect people living imperfect lives making imperfect decisions. I believe realizing this helps me to let go of any delusions of being perfect and reminds me to keep a strong grip on my relationship with Christ. In the same way I am to accept my own inability to be perfect and instead to depend on God, He wants me to accept others and let Him handle them in His own way.

ROMANS 14:1 (MSG)
“Welcome with open arms fellow believers
who don't see things the way you do.
And don't jump all over them every time
they do or say something you don't agree with—
even when it seems that they are strong on opinions
 but weak in the faith department.
Remember, they have their own history to deal with.
Treat them gently.”

Luke 6:36 (AMP) “So be merciful
(sympathetic, tender, responsive, and compassionate)
even as your Father is [all these].”

Forgive me, Lord, of my demanding tendencies. I desire to extend the love and kindness You so generously pour over me to those around me. Please help me to think, speak and act with compassion. Though I whine about being corrected, thank You for leading me in the path of righteousness for Your name’s sake - even when it seems You must lift me up and put me back on the straight and narrow every few minutes! In Jesus name, amen.

Written by Mary M. Wilkins