The Woman

Devotional for Saturday, August 28, 2011

                     Repost from October, 2010

Ephesians 6:12

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

It was 5:45 am, and my husband had just left for work. I knew I needed to get up though I was so tired, so I kept turning this way and that way in my bed thinking maybe I could wake up better at different positions…yeah right! I finally forced myself out of bed stomping to put on some sweats, stomping to go downstairs to do my Bible Study. I had the worst attitude. I felt like he made me look bad getting up with ease when it’s usually I who goes through the work of nagging him to wake up or else I’m blamed for letting him sleep in. This time, I felt guilty that I was sleeping in. It’s amazing the kind of garbage I allow to go through my mind. None of this was true or necessary. It was my anger, jealousy, suspicion, rebellious heart soaring off into the land of make-believe causing me to get off focus of what’s real. The next thing I know, before I even had the chance to get comfortable and open my notebook to see where I left off, there was a woman in my house. I know this seems odd, and believe me I was very confused, concerned and shocked. At first I only saw her from behind, then I noticed the front door was wide open, though I couldn’t remember hearing it open, or the chime that tells me it’s open. My heart was pounding and my blood was rushing as I jumped up to take charge of my home and question this intruder. She looked different when she turned around; in fact she looked like a different person at every angle. Then my husband came in through the front door looking panicky. He was stumbling over his words and making no sense. It seemed like he was trying to tell me that he had everything under control, but he was only raising more and more suspicion in me and causing my anger to blaze out of control. The woman, however, was calm, cool and collected, and kept walking around my house (thankfully downstairs, for all the kids were upstairs). It looked as if she was checking out her new territory. Between the yelling, cussing, and questioning coming from me, there would be responses from her of “I own a piece of this family…”, “I have a thousand dollars invested here…”, “a good portion of this household is mine…”, and “I have every right to be here.” She never said anything other than these types of phrases. I was furious! All I could think was “What does that even mean?!?” Nothing was making any sense, and the more confused I became, the angrier I got. My husband never explained any of it, even though he looked like he knew what was happening and why. Even more surprising…he never yelled back at me. It felt like a one-sided fight. It’s not an every day thing for me to yell at my husband –my kids maybe, but not my husband. He’s kind of an intimidating man, and would not put up with me acting out in anger even if he deserved it. By now, I was getting out of breath from my rage, and I was beginning to feel helpless. 

That’s when I woke up. I had never gone downstairs at all. He did leave at about 5:45 am, and I did toss and turn thinking I would eventually wake up, but I didn’t. I drifted off and that’s what I dreamed. In my awakened state of mind, however, I was still furious. I was still out of breath, and my heart was still pounding. I kept thinking about it over and over again getting angrier each time. Now I was crying, but I wasn’t sure why I was still upset…after all, it was just a dream, right? No! It felt more like an attack. I partly knew what was going on, yet was still so caught up in the emotion of it, that I felt paralyzed. Still lying in bed asking God what it all means, it took much longer than it should have for me to finally listen to Him. The answer was so obvious that it was screaming at me in my head. “Get up, get rid of your attitude, and pray for your husband. He needs you to pray for him!” I did, I read what I had written for him a couple of weeks before, and prayed what God put on my heart just as I had been doing every morning since I wrote it, but still it would be a couple of hours before I could stop thinking about the dream. The day ended up being one of those days where I was doing so much and completely wearing myself out, yet feeling like nothing was getting done. It was 7pm before my husband was finally home that night, and I couldn’t believe all that he told me about his day. Of course, I won’t get into the details, but it was obvious that he was under attack at work in a number of different ways. The dream was coming back to me as I listened. Even the way the woman looked different at every angle. How many forms of her were there? How many problems was he facing at work? I listened as long as he needed me to, served him his dinner, then I asked if he minded if I went on a walk…to which he didn’t, and off I went. I called a good friend, and shared some of this with her, and we talked a bit about dreams and how the enemy will sneak in and torment. As we talked, one thing I realized that I never said to the woman…I never said, “Get Out!” I knew that nothing she said made any sense, nor was true…she didn’t own any piece of us, she had not invested anything of value in us, there was no portion that belonged to her, and she did not have any right to be in my house, let alone my dream! Why did I not take charge and tell her what to do? I don’t and never will have the authority to do such a thing with my husband, but I do have the authority invested in me by my Lord and Savior to tell the enemy what to do and where to go. How could I be so blind to forget such a thing? My anger, that’s how. My anger only causes more confusion. Well, I think it’s about time I started denouncing the enemy even in my sub-conscience! For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Ephesians 6:12. Dear God, make me alert and wise to the tactics of the enemy even in my sleep, and snuff out the fire of my anger so that it does not get in the way of Your work...Amen.

Written by Amie Spruiell