Saturday Devotional

What Can I Say?

We live so much of our lives knowing our guilt, knowing our hidden sin, keeping it stuffed, never addressing it, feeling trapped by it, and unable to come to terms with it. We practically live in denial that it’s there, though hearing the voices reminding us of its existence, until finally God says it’s time to face it head on.

For some, it’s easy to confess them all at the time of salvation, basking in His forgiveness, and never looking back. However, for many of us, it takes a long time to fully grasp that, “Yes, even those sins are covered, and we can heal from them.” We say that we are a new creation, but there’s still that part of our life from way back when that we’re determined to keep stuffed inside unwilling to even go there.

Maybe we convince ourselves that it’s not even necessary to bring it up because we already know we’re forgiven, but those words are actually masking the fact that we won’t forgive ourselves. We render ourselves unable to heal spitting in the face of the One who sacrificed Himself so that we could be. In essence, we’re saying that Jesus’ death was in vain.

Sometimes it can take a lifetime for God to bring us to a place where we find ourselves in a head-on collision with whatever it may be that we said we would never comes to terms with. Rest assured He will bring it up. God wants nothing left unforgiven or unhealed. It’s really not even possible for Him to leave something unforgiven once we asked for it, but He’s not willing to leave us in a place where we don’t accept that forgiveness. He’ll keep at it and keep it at until we have no words left to argue with.

I was moved by the story of Joseph and his brothers in Genesis. I felt the pain of these grown men who had kept a dirty little secret for years and years. Their actions and their unwillingness to attempt to “make things right” caused their father’s heart to remain broken and full of despair. The guilt they must have experienced likely haunted them night after night. They had sold their brother into slavery and led their father to believe that he was torn to pieces by a wild animal. They probably thought it best to leave things the way they were, to leave Jacob believing this lie, because after all, if they tried, could they actually track down their brother? Continuing in their charade might have prevented an angry father on top of a grief stricken one, but it did nothing for their souls but tear them to pieces over and over again day after day.

God said that enough is enough. After a hopeless amount of time had passed, these brothers were face to face with their past, and they didn’t even know it. They were staring at it and it was staring back at them…the possibility of restoration…but they were blind and did not recognize it. All they could see was their guilt and assumed that God was punishing them. The breaking point finally came, and it was Judah, the very one who had suggested the dirty deed of selling his brother in the first place. He stepped away from everyone else, and then he said these words, “What can I say? What can I do? My guilt is exposed.” Well, at least that’s my paraphrase of what was said. He had no words left. He had no way of stuffing it. He didn’t necessarily confess his guilt, but he did say that there was nothing left but to become a slave…a slave to the very one he sold as a slave.

He didn’t know that he was speaking to his long lost brother. He didn’t know that in a few short minutes, everything would be revealed. He didn’t know the beautiful ending in store for him. He had just gotten to the point of complete humility, and was willing to surrender it all. That’s what God is waiting  for…complete humility…complete surrender. Throw yourself at His feet today. Completely surrender yourself to Him.

What can I say?

What can I do?

But offer this heart oh God

Completely to You

Written by
Amie Spruiell
5/11/12