Daily Devotional...6/21/12...Will I Ever Change?

Every day I blow it. No matter how determined I am to be loving and patient while trusting God and waiting on Him, I never actually make it.

I just finished a conversation with my husband. I was trying to convince him of the best way to handle something that is coming up. Even if I don’t realize I am being manipulative as I do it, he must sense it because he dug his heels in and said we’d talk about this later. I just wanted everything settled and in order. I was just trying to help!

Truth is I am anxious about how everything will come together. How will we manage the details? I like to plan and organize. I struggle with perfectionism but there is a certain level of planning that is acceptable, right? I want to have my ducks all in a row.

Here I am, humbled, as I see the reality of what I am doing: I am trying to fix this, to handle it, to make it better. I do not have the power to fix this. If I did, I would have already done it without checking with anyone! I am completely helpless. I do not like how it feels. My mind keeps suggesting other “ways” that might make things work out the way I want them to! What a mess I am! Even as I sit here ready to repent before God, to ask Him to forgive me, and to lay my burden down, my mind is running around in a flurry of activity as if to say, “No! Wait! I am sure I will think of something!” Hush mind, sit down and be quiet, I will not let you run me in mental circles until I am so distracted I can’t get anything done.

Philippians 4:5-7 New King James Version (NKJV)

Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication,

with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;

and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,

will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Psalm 37:5-6 The Message (MSG)

Open up before GOD, keep nothing back;

he'll do whatever needs to be done:

Dear Lord, When will I learn? I know I can trust You! I know You care and are watching over me and all that concerns me. When will there be less of me and more of You? I know I can’t do it on my own and that by Your loving kindness You are gently leading me into all Truth about who I am without You and who I am with You. Ah, even my prayers are all about me. Dear God, You know everything about me yet You love me. Thank You. Please help me to be gentle towards every person I meet or speak to this day. Please help me to train my mind to behave itself by praying for each person who crosses my path or comes to mind this day. In Jesus name, amen.

Written by Mary M. Wilkins