Devotional for 3/31/11
I got married in a heyday of personalized wedding vows. Popular opinion suggested we, at the very least, should be honest and drop the “until death do us part” from the exchange. We were told to prepare ourselves; with the divorce rate going up every year, we shouldn’t be surprised if our marriage didn’t work. But realistic wedding vows would not make for very romantic occasions.
Imagine repeating after the official in such a manner: I, bride, promise to take you, groom, to love and cherish unless I’m tired, mad, feeling sorry for myself, or in the middle of something else. Before you laugh too hard, how about the guy’s alternative line? For instance, I, groom, promise to take you, bride, to love and to cherish unless I am weary, angry, frustrated or paying attention to something else. Wow, this is a case where too much honesty is not the best policy.
Is honesty the point of wedding vows? When we choose to express commitment to someone else, the words and the meaning behind them do matter to us. Promises are supposed to be goals. In a wedding vow, the goal is to love, cherish and stand by the other no matter what comes.
Then life continues: circumstances change, jobs get lost, mistakes get made, feelings get hurt, hearts get broken, accidents happen. There is no way to predict or control what happens in our lives. You may be the best driver in the world, but that doesn’t keep another driver from hitting you and creating a mess in your life.
Marriage is two people who have made a commitment to share the rest of their lives together. But this takes so much work. Who knew? And why didn’t they tell us? Oops, maybe they did, Grandma asked if you really thought you were ready or sure (Ready for what? You wondered. Am I ready to be happy all the days of my life? Poor Grandma, she doesn’t understand how in love I am!)
Most married people around you understand that having a healthy relationship takes work and tools that most of us don’t know about. When you discover that nothing in your tool box is working, then get advice and direction from a woman who has a strong marriage. I heard a very funny piece of advice for brides that I wish I had known: During the first year, never do anything in the kitchen or the bedroom that you don’t want to do every day for the rest of your life. As I pondered and laughed over this pearl of wisdom, I realized that it is about expectations. The truth is we all have expectations of what married life will be like.
Expectations can seem reasonable. Hoping for the best and seeking to make the most of every opportunity is positive. Unfortunately, our expectations sometimes tend towards such thoughts as: he loves me so much, and he will always want to know all about my feelings. Or he will remember everything that is important to me, or better yet, when he knows how important something is to me, he will feel/think the same way I do.
The first step to making the most of expectations is realizing that you have them. Then doing some homework by reading God’s Word, discussing them and praying to determine if you have the expectations God wants you to have. Here’s the bottom line: no one has all her expectations in order because no one can be perfect, no matter how hard they try to be.
There are so many interesting and helpful books on marriage and expectations. But reading books have only been a small part of my own walk in finding tools to having a healthy and happy marriage. (Come on, if we’re going to stay married we might as well be happy! Right?) Pastor and author Max Lucado encourages us to: get deeply involved with other (women) believers who seek to glorify God. Then pray. There is no alternative for seriously asking God to reveal what is in your own heart, and then asking Him for the strength to turn away from those things/thoughts/habits that are not pure, right or in your best interest.
Have you ever known someone who battled bravely against incredible odds physically, financially or emotionally? Life is a struggle for all of us in one way or another and at one time or another. I find the most discouraging times are when I have started to think, “I have had no relief and there is no end in sight.” It is easy to lose hope when I am looking at the people around me or the road ahead for a sign. Since the only reliable hope is in God, I need to lift my eyes to the One who loves me best and trust Him for the strength to carry on.
This is why we work hard and continue to struggle, for our hope is in the living God, who is the Savior of all people and particularly of all believers.
I Timothy 4:10
Written by Mary M. Wilkins
A few Marriage Tools:
Shaunti Feldhahn’s book “For Women Only”
Shaunti Feldhahn’s book “For Women Only”
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