Attitude of Gratitude

Today I asked the Lord to help me keep a happy heart.

After all I do have lots to be happy about…to have a so called “attitude of gratitude”…to give thanks to God for how He is taking care of me. My children for the most part are healthy and so are my grandchildren. My husband is gainfully employed. We are planning a remodel of the front façade of our house to bring our work on our house closer to being complete. I walk through my house and every room is just how I wanted it to be. I have lots of wonderful, loving friends. I take a writing class that I love, and I am blessed with some talent in the activity of writing. I lead a writing group and a gourmet group as two of the small groups for my church. If I had had any problem it would be that there does not seem to be enough time in the day for me to do the things I love to do.

So, you might be asking yourself…why then does she need help to spend the day with a happy, grateful, and happy heart?

For the last two weeks I have found myself sighing deep and loud sighs as I feel overwhelmed with what is going on with me. In November I was diagnosed with uterine cancer, and I had a complete hysterectomy in January. After some miss diagnosis I was found to be cancer free from the surgery. The cancer had not spread to the lymph nodes that were removed to check. Good, right! Yes, very good. When I went for my first post-operative checkup the doctor had some new news for me. Apparently 5% of people who have this kind of cancer and surgery later develop something called a vaginal cuff tumor. I was told I could opt for three treatments (very localized and safe) They are done internally so one does not need to worry about burned skin or other organs I the area being affected.

It seemed like a no brainer to me and without thought I said I would do it. This afternoon I will be having my third and final of the treatments which have been spaced over a single week. They did under emphasize both the procedure as well as the side effects. Although they were not terrible horrible they were somewhat horrible. Here is what I wrote about the whole thing to a friend.

"Thank God the procedures will be over with this one, and then I will be healthy and over this whole ordeal. They are kind of horrendous when you consider the abusive invasion of my nether regions to get them ready for the application of the radiation. In addition, I had been under the false impression that there would be no side effects. Not true!!! After both procedures I was treated to a few hours of being sick to my stomach. Well it is almost over, and I should quit my whining.

If you are wondering if I am okay, the answer is yes...sort of. The entire thing has been off the chart stressful to me, and I am having a hard time getting back to normal. I don’t feel like doing a darn thing...even including the computer. I just do not have the energy for anything. I am sure that once the treatments are done things will pick up. I will be back to my old self full of vim and vigor.

So I am asking God to help me to maintain an attitude of gratitude and to lighten up. I have been put upon: that is sure. However, the cancer did not spread. As far as cancer goes my first doctor told me, “If you have to have cancer this is the one to have.” I still do have a bit of trouble with that one even though I know she is right. Usually the surgery is the cure as it turned out to be with me. The radiation was just one more step to attempt to stop it from the possibility of recurrence. There are so many cancers that rear their ugly cells that are much more difficult to treat and overcome. By comparison, my little four month challenge is small and simply treated by comparison to what others have gone through and are still going through. It was big to me because it was happening to me. I could hardly put the word CANCER in a sentence after the words, “I have……!”

In Luke 17:13-15 Scripture says...

Taking a good look at them, he said,

"Go, show yourselves to the priests."

They went, and while still on their way, became clean.

One of them, when he realized that he was healed, turned around

and came back, shouting his gratitude, glorifying God.

He kneeled at Jesus' feet, so grateful.

He couldn't thank him enough—and he was a Samaritan.

Today I am asking God to help me clean up my poor me attitude and be happy for all the things that are so good and amazing in my life. I am going back to shout my gratitude to him that I am at the end of my Cancer journey and I am healed. Even if I have side effects I will be healthy. Praise God and thank You, Lord.

Lord, I thank you for the way my illness went…that I went to see help quickly and that the Cancer was cured by the surgery. I thank you for this treatment that I could do to take away a chance of recurrence. Thank you for all the wonderful things you have given me in my life. You are Jehovah Jirah, and I am grateful. Amen.

Corinne Mustafa

3/13/12