As a child, I remember that it felt I was always forgiving someone. Whether it was my bullying brother or cousin, or some bratty kid that treated me badly, it seemed that someone was always being forced to say that they were sorry to me. I know I wasn’t a saint myself, and I had my apologies to make since I did like to tease and sometimes I tried to get back at the bad guy instead of turning the other cheek, but still more often than not, I was the recipient. After awhile, I would get so hurt in my heart I just didn’t feel like forgiving, “Again? I have to forgive again?” Can’t say that I recall the lesson giver, it was probably a parent, grandparent, or maybe even a teacher at the private Christian school I attended, but I learned that “yes” I always had to forgive.
I guess the good thing that came out of it was that I definitely learned to be a forgiving person. I never even held a grudge against the man who abandoned my child and that in itself has always shocked me, but it took me awhile to learn the lesson of “again?”
As a wife, there have been unhealthy recurring patterns over the years in our marriage. I’m sure most couples can relate. Two people learn all the right buttons to push, and when say one is set off by mistake, a familiar ping pong match of words, tones of voices, looks, actions, or lack thereof follows. Though I can say that there has been progress made over the years, sometimes baby steps and other times giant leaps, something that is not always shared with each other is the question I pose to God, “Again? You mean I have to be the first one again? Do I really have to be the one who humbles herself and goes to him with kind words to end this charade? Again?” His answer of course is “yes!”
It’s a good thing that God doesn’t ask “again?” because it seems that I always need this lesson shown to me…again. I’ve found myself asking it in the area of serving…as I’m sure many Christians have. Whether it’s in children’s ministries, Bible Studies, or clean up duty before or after an event, I know many have wondered why they are the only ones who ever volunteer. There have been times I’ve asked God this question as a member of my congregation for one reason or another, “Again? I’m the one left holding the ball again?”
It never occurred to me why this question was repeated in so many areas of my life until a friend of mine gave a testimony. She’d experienced similar situations throughout her life, and her heart was open to hear the Holy Spirit, so God used her to teach all of us who were in her hearing. The question of “again?” is evidence of our sin. It reveals our self-centeredness, being only concerned for ourselves. It shows our inability to love unconditionally like Jesus loves and likewise our need to learn how to let Him love others through us. We’re not supposed to ask “again?” We’re supposed to respond with “always”. When faced with the opportunity, we’re to always do the right thing.
Now that I realize that I’ve done this, I’m surprised at how many different situations I’m tempted to ask “again?” He’s taught me to always forgive, always try to be the first to make amends (unless my husband beats me to it since I think he’s learned the lesson of “always” as well), and to always step up when you have the opportunity. So when I was faced with praying over my son as he was about to play in the last game of his baseball tournament and I was tempted to say, “Again? Do I have to pray for both teams again?” I knew the answer before the thought ever finished forming in my mind. I still wanted my son’s team to win, but I knew I was to pray for both teams even if I didn’t like the other team. I even know this lesson well enough to teach my own kids. So, when they lost to the team with the poor sportsmanship, when they came in second place to the first place team who we all thought didn’t deserve it for one reason or another, and my son looked at me with a look of, “Again? Do I have to congratulate them again? I gave a reassuring nod of, “Yes, you always have to do the right thing.” Yes, we always have to be Christ to the world.
Amie Spruiell
6/17/2011
At our conference this last weekend,one of our ladies had to forgive "again". Our leader, Cindy had us all write down a chapter in our lives that we want to tear up and leave behind. She had us all share what was in this chapter and together we tore them up and she prayed with us. It was amazing. Then after lunch, we wrote a new chapter that we, along with God will start believing. What a wonderful release! I saw many healings and experienced a new freedom with God. When we do this, God is able to establish new promises for our lives, a new closeness, because this chapter is God-led.
ReplyDeleteLove and kisses.....Mom