This is Part 2 of a 3 Part series; please refer to last Monday's devotional to read Part 1, posted on May 26.
"Wait," He calls after me, "Remember, you have to focus on Me."
I look over my shoulder, "Yeah, look where that got me: hungry and tired!"
I continue to walk away; each step draws me deeper into the water. By the end of the first day, I am completely immersed in the water; swimming.
In the middle of the third day I am exhausted. I know that soon the waves will rise above my head. Although I knew we had walked for five days, I still thought I could swim back faster.
Each breath hurt, barely filling my lungs. The muscles in my arms and legs scream with pain as I try to push on. I pause, glancing around, longing to see something that will fill me with hope. I only see Him. He is following me.
"What a jerk," I say to myself silently, "Taking me so far away, not considering how long it will take me to get back." Then it struck me! I was never going to go back! He had intended for me to leave my boat forever. He's even worse than I thought! He didn't tell me I should grab my stuff. How was I going to eat without my fishing pole? How would I sleep without my favorite blanket and pillow?
What is wrong with this Guy? What is wrong with me? Why did I ever listen to Him? My anger subsides as my heart falls in my chest, and thoughts swirl in my head like the waves around my body. Maybe we aren't BFFs. Maybe we aren't actually friends. Tears of pain fill my eyes as I turn away from Him. Salt water fills my mouth as I try to go on.
The sun is bright and burning in my eyes. Have I somehow been sleeping? I look around and see Him. The water is calm but my boat is still nowhere to be seen.
"Do you want some help?" He calls out to me.
"Not from You!" I shout, as anger and adrenaline flood through my body as I remember He is the one who got me into this mess. Soon the energy I gained from my anger is gone. He continues to call out to me. I ignore Him.
Then I see it. A boat in the distance dancing on the water. Sweet relief is mixed with bitter agony. I have come so far but I still have so far to go. Exhaustion overtakes my body. My arms are like jelly and my legs sink below me. Hoping to rest and gain some strength I roll over onto my back. My body is so weak I can't even float and I feel myself sinking.
"I can help you!" I hear Him cry with a voice broken and full of grief.
"No!" I screech. Panic strikes my heart as I start floundering towards my boat. Fear so intense overwhelms me as I realize I am not going to make it. Somehow, I am at the bow of my boat. But I have no more strength. Each wave draws me under and keeps me down. As I sputter for breath I think, "What's the point of getting back in the boat? Feelings of betrayal, rejection, and grief wash over me.
I stop struggling. Every muscle gives a sigh of relief. I draw one final breath. There is a sensation between floating and flying and I realize that for the first time in my whole journey, I am happy. Happy to say goodbye. Happy to let go. Happy at the prospect of no longer hurting, ever.
The brightness of the sun forces me to throw my arm over my face. That's when I realize that I am very much alive and laying on the deck of a boat. Cautiously I move my head. I smell cooked fish and open my eyes to the sight of Him smiling at me.
"Hi," He says as He leans forward and places the fish near me. I gently prop myself up. The fish tastes good but I am honestly disappointed to be alive. I thought the struggle was over. But here I am, aching body, pounding head, and hurting heart.
Every morning for a long while the routine is the same. I wake up, He smiles at me, and hands me a fish. I don't speak to Him. I am still mad. Although my body is weak, my heart is full of anger, resentment, and frustration. Self-pity is taking over as I replay every offense in my head.
In my mind I complain, "Why did He save me at the end, instead of helping me in the beginning?"
"Because you didn't ask Him," a small voice inside my head protests. "He offered, but you kept saying no." I sigh inwardly.
I am able to fish and feed myself so we have gone back to the way things were before. I stay on my boat and He swings by to visit me. I make a lot of trips to the shore. I feel bitter as I look at each house thinking those people have never known what it is like to suffer, or struggle, or drown. I am not happy in town, so I never stay long. I go back often yet I don't understand how I can long for and hate the same thing. I get into the habit of not eating again. My impatience has grown and I no longer like fish. I want a better life, and I want to be better. I just want an easy and painless way to get there.
To be continued (final chapter next week).
Written by Lizzy Wilkins
Posted by Mary M. Wilkins
_______________________________________________________________
My heart is in anguish within me,
And the terrors of death have fallen upon me.
Fear and trembling come upon me,
And horror has overwhelmed me.
And the terrors of death have fallen upon me.
Fear and trembling come upon me,
And horror has overwhelmed me.
Psalm 55:4-5 NASB
My Adventure (Part 2) by Lizzy Wilkins
As I turn away and begin to stomp off, I feel my feet get wet."Wait," He calls after me, "Remember, you have to focus on Me."
I look over my shoulder, "Yeah, look where that got me: hungry and tired!"
I continue to walk away; each step draws me deeper into the water. By the end of the first day, I am completely immersed in the water; swimming.
Each breath hurt, barely filling my lungs. The muscles in my arms and legs scream with pain as I try to push on. I pause, glancing around, longing to see something that will fill me with hope. I only see Him. He is following me.
"What a jerk," I say to myself silently, "Taking me so far away, not considering how long it will take me to get back." Then it struck me! I was never going to go back! He had intended for me to leave my boat forever. He's even worse than I thought! He didn't tell me I should grab my stuff. How was I going to eat without my fishing pole? How would I sleep without my favorite blanket and pillow?
What is wrong with this Guy? What is wrong with me? Why did I ever listen to Him? My anger subsides as my heart falls in my chest, and thoughts swirl in my head like the waves around my body. Maybe we aren't BFFs. Maybe we aren't actually friends. Tears of pain fill my eyes as I turn away from Him. Salt water fills my mouth as I try to go on.
The sun is bright and burning in my eyes. Have I somehow been sleeping? I look around and see Him. The water is calm but my boat is still nowhere to be seen.
"Do you want some help?" He calls out to me.
"Not from You!" I shout, as anger and adrenaline flood through my body as I remember He is the one who got me into this mess. Soon the energy I gained from my anger is gone. He continues to call out to me. I ignore Him.
Then I see it. A boat in the distance dancing on the water. Sweet relief is mixed with bitter agony. I have come so far but I still have so far to go. Exhaustion overtakes my body. My arms are like jelly and my legs sink below me. Hoping to rest and gain some strength I roll over onto my back. My body is so weak I can't even float and I feel myself sinking.
"I can help you!" I hear Him cry with a voice broken and full of grief.
"No!" I screech. Panic strikes my heart as I start floundering towards my boat. Fear so intense overwhelms me as I realize I am not going to make it. Somehow, I am at the bow of my boat. But I have no more strength. Each wave draws me under and keeps me down. As I sputter for breath I think, "What's the point of getting back in the boat? Feelings of betrayal, rejection, and grief wash over me.
I stop struggling. Every muscle gives a sigh of relief. I draw one final breath. There is a sensation between floating and flying and I realize that for the first time in my whole journey, I am happy. Happy to say goodbye. Happy to let go. Happy at the prospect of no longer hurting, ever.
"Hi," He says as He leans forward and places the fish near me. I gently prop myself up. The fish tastes good but I am honestly disappointed to be alive. I thought the struggle was over. But here I am, aching body, pounding head, and hurting heart.
Every morning for a long while the routine is the same. I wake up, He smiles at me, and hands me a fish. I don't speak to Him. I am still mad. Although my body is weak, my heart is full of anger, resentment, and frustration. Self-pity is taking over as I replay every offense in my head.
In my mind I complain, "Why did He save me at the end, instead of helping me in the beginning?"
"Because you didn't ask Him," a small voice inside my head protests. "He offered, but you kept saying no." I sigh inwardly.
I am able to fish and feed myself so we have gone back to the way things were before. I stay on my boat and He swings by to visit me. I make a lot of trips to the shore. I feel bitter as I look at each house thinking those people have never known what it is like to suffer, or struggle, or drown. I am not happy in town, so I never stay long. I go back often yet I don't understand how I can long for and hate the same thing. I get into the habit of not eating again. My impatience has grown and I no longer like fish. I want a better life, and I want to be better. I just want an easy and painless way to get there.
To be continued (final chapter next week).
Written by Lizzy Wilkins
Posted by Mary M. Wilkins
While we wait for Part 3 we would do well to listen to, sing, and ponder. When you have done that turn the music off and hear the stillness of your heart as you continue your ongoing quest to be still and know that He is God.
ReplyDeleteGod bless...