"I can tell you why most people are not honest in their relationships," Jim, a trained marriage class instructor, stated matter of factly.
I looked at my husband with wide eyes then we both looked back at Jim. He continued, "Most of us are too embarrassed to admit when something bothers us, especially to our spouse. Often the issue looks petty or silly and we lack the nerve to risk appearing petty or silly."
I personally cannot just walk around being "honest" by saying whatever I think, observe, or feel. I have learned that my tongue can be far too sharp and I must control it. I used to try to help my husband by pointing out whenever he missed something, did something wrong, or was imperfect. If he made a decision and it later came back to bite him- I pointed it out to him. Just in case he missed the obvious. I thought, if I don't tell him, who will?
I had to learn the long hard way that nit-picking was not the honesty that our relationship needed. First, I had to learn that in healthy relationships, the other person gets to be their own person. If I love them, I will accept them for who they are, and respect their right to grow and learn, and even decide to not grow and learn, at their own pace.
One of the ways I've learned to communicate honestly is by asking about my husband's expectations and then sharing my own. Sometimes we even remember to ask each other what our hopes are ahead of time! This helps to prevent misunderstandings. While providing both of us with insight and information to support each other.
We still can end up being 2 ships in the night, finding ourselves on 2 completely different paths. I have learned to allow him the time to process his disappointment without demanding that he immediately 'change course' to suit me. These accidents are frustrating because the other person knows us so well - we wonder how they could have missed it! It is hard to remember in this moment that no one is perfect. But it is up to us to remember exactly that!
Dear Lord, thank You for the gift of relationship. Please help us to live and act with patience and love towards those who are closest to us. Thank You for Your mercy to each of us - it is fresh and new every morning (see Lamentations 3:22). May we remember that the greatest gift you have given us is love (see I Corinthians 13:13). Please give us eyes to see and hearts of compassion for those around us. In Jesus name, amen.
Written by Mary M. Wilkins
I looked at my husband with wide eyes then we both looked back at Jim. He continued, "Most of us are too embarrassed to admit when something bothers us, especially to our spouse. Often the issue looks petty or silly and we lack the nerve to risk appearing petty or silly."
I personally cannot just walk around being "honest" by saying whatever I think, observe, or feel. I have learned that my tongue can be far too sharp and I must control it. I used to try to help my husband by pointing out whenever he missed something, did something wrong, or was imperfect. If he made a decision and it later came back to bite him- I pointed it out to him. Just in case he missed the obvious. I thought, if I don't tell him, who will?
I had to learn the long hard way that nit-picking was not the honesty that our relationship needed. First, I had to learn that in healthy relationships, the other person gets to be their own person. If I love them, I will accept them for who they are, and respect their right to grow and learn, and even decide to not grow and learn, at their own pace.
One of the ways I've learned to communicate honestly is by asking about my husband's expectations and then sharing my own. Sometimes we even remember to ask each other what our hopes are ahead of time! This helps to prevent misunderstandings. While providing both of us with insight and information to support each other.
We still can end up being 2 ships in the night, finding ourselves on 2 completely different paths. I have learned to allow him the time to process his disappointment without demanding that he immediately 'change course' to suit me. These accidents are frustrating because the other person knows us so well - we wonder how they could have missed it! It is hard to remember in this moment that no one is perfect. But it is up to us to remember exactly that!
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths,
but only such as is good for building up,
as fits the occasion,
that it may give grace to those who hear.
Ephesians 4:29 ESV
Dear Lord, thank You for the gift of relationship. Please help us to live and act with patience and love towards those who are closest to us. Thank You for Your mercy to each of us - it is fresh and new every morning (see Lamentations 3:22). May we remember that the greatest gift you have given us is love (see I Corinthians 13:13). Please give us eyes to see and hearts of compassion for those around us. In Jesus name, amen.
Written by Mary M. Wilkins
Randy Travis performs "Forever and Ever"
Great advice about how to handle differences of opinion in a Godly way. Thank you Mary
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