Perfectionism...Monday:

Devotional...7/15/13

Is  Perfectionism a disorder, a necessary tool, or a cover for fear?

Did you know that when you take a class about mental illness, most professors introduce their topic with a warning: Do not self-diagnose? In other words, many students from many classes read the definition of a disease, recognize those very same symptoms or conditions within themselves and fear they have that disease.

The professors will then explain that they have taught these subjects for years, each year students will approach them with the concern that they have obsessive-compulsive disorder, or attention deficit disorder or something. When I heard this I thought to myself, sheesh, who would be stupid enough to think they have every disease in the book? That’s just not statistically possible, I continued, smiling and laughing with my neighbors as the professor assured us we were all fine.

You probably see this next part coming. Through the coming months, as we reviewed over 40 mental illnesses and diseases, I proceeded to think I had each and every one. It was only the professors’ words at the beginning of the class that kept me from running to the nearest doctor. I mulled over every symptom, worried over each tendency in myself to behave in even the smallest way like the disease being described. As for being forewarned, I excused it with the thought that “Oh no! What if I am the exception? I think I really have this disease!”

Definition of obsession:

an irrational motive or compulsion to do repetitive actions.

Obsessive-Compulsive disorder is a mental health illness. It is probably not OCD that has you cleaning the house every evening before you go to bed, or doing all your chores before relaxing. That’s perfectionism.

Perfectionism is a nasty little tendency that can choke the life out of us. I discovered the root of perfectionism about 15 years ago. You’ve probably already heard that it’s a control issue. True, but is that all? It’s also a source of vanity. As in, how I appear to others is who I am. Say that out loud (yes, even you messies, you’re just closet perfectionists – you don’t do anything until you can do it right (or should I say, until you can do it perfectly?).

So, if the root of perfectionism is control and vanity, what are their roots? It gets easier now, because these two issues share the same root: pride. I cringe just thinking about it.

Human pride will be humbled, and human arrogance will be brought down. Only the LORD will be exalted on that day of judgment. 

Isaiah 2:16-17 (NLT)

 Patience is better than pride. 

Control your temper, for anger labels you a fool. 

Ecclesiastes 7:8b-9 (NLT)

Thanksgiving is around the corner. It’s a time when we are encouraged as a nation to count our blessings and thank God that we are still a free country. I wish that knowing what was important was the same as doing what is important. 

If you’re anything like me, the perfectionism monster has been lurking in the back of your head for at least a month. Nagging you to make a list and get going or you’ll never be ready to share love, joy and laughter with family and friends. Wait, that’s not what your monster says? I know, mine either. It’s all about the house, the food, the shopping, the cleaning, the bills, the weight (on my body), the kids, the bonding and so on. As if that’s not enough of a burden, the pressure to make this Christmas the best Christmas ever (in only 30 days) is laying the ground work for a full-blown emotional and physical work-fest that can melt-down and burnt out the most determined among us.

So, is this just the way we are? Is this what we expect from ourselves? Is it what we think others expect from us? Is this what God wants or expects of us?

Jesus said,

"'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them."

Matthew 22:37-40

(MSG)

Dear Lord, we choose to let you show us the way through this frenzied time of celebrations. Be our guide as we pick and choose only those things that we can afford and will add a positive light to our family. Help us to limit ourselves to what we have the time to do while keeping our priorities. Help us to maintain balance. Please help us keep our commitment to give to those less fortunate than ourselves. There’s always someone worse off than we are. Please help us to notice when we are starting to feel sorry for ourselves so that we can remember to be grateful. Thank you, Lord, for faithfully watching over us. Please forgive us for whining and longing for more. Help us to let go of being the perfect anything and instead to focus on what you have provided. In Jesus name, amen.

The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand. I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. They are always generous and lend freely; their children will be a blessing.

Turn from evil and do good; then you will dwell in the land forever.

For the LORD loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones.

Psalm 23:23-28

(NIV).

I am praying that I will do what’s most important and let go of what that voice in my head keeps nagging me about. I am not my house, I am not the clothes I wear, I am not my kids, I am not my yard, I am not my job, I am not the vehicle I drive. I need to work hard, do my best and trust God for the rest.

Written by

 Mary M. Wilkins