Labor of Love

What if my motives are wrong? What if there’s more of me and less of You? What if there’s not enough time to pull it all together? Those are some of the questions I asked myself and God as I made the decision to embark on a project of writing and performing a one woman drama.

My heart and my passion were there, but did I have Jesus right alongside of me? Did I have His blessing? I knew the messages delivered could be painful. I knew the story could be controversial. I knew that anything done motivated by my selfish desires would bear no fruit and would be like building my project with earthly materials which are easily burned up on the day that I stand before the Lord to be judged for my works.

So what could I do…give up on my passion?

No!

I would not give up on my passion to write, perform, and yes, to minister to women.

Should I continue on with my project with doubt and worry, questioning myself…questioning God’s Hand in it?

Absolutely not!

I would move forward in faith enveloped in prayer, manifested in my patience as I waited and waited and waited to hear from the Lord.

I’ve struggled over the years to hear His voice clearly. I suppose my mind gets too busy at times. Often, I’ll hear Him in my sleep, which makes sense since my mind is resting. I’ve also struggled with having confidence in my own skill which in this case is a benefit. It stops me from moving forward in my own strength. I don’t trust anybody in their own strength, especially myself.

Often a comment like that leads others to build me up, but I don’t need to be built up. I need to hear His voice, feel His presence…know His will.

It’s perseverance in seeking His will that produces a product that will both bring forth fruit and withstand the fire.

I’m thankful for the passion and talents the Lord has given me. But most importantly, I’m thankful that because of them, I draw closer to Him. I scrutinize every line and then present each one to Him asking, “Is this one good?” I listen to the advice of others and then bring that to Him as well. If I like it, I ask Him to show me if there’s any reason not to. If I don’t like it, I ask Him if there’s a reason I should. I beg of Him to not let me be satisfied until I know that every word is under His blessing and every message is coated with His Spirit.

I find myself quite often saying, “OK, it’s back to the drawing board.” How many times have I labored on the computer doing research and editing only to find that when I spoke the lines out loud, they were weak? So, back to the computer I would go to hit delete, delete, delete.

This labor of love has brought me to exhaustion saying, “I can’t do it any longer! I don’t even feel motivated anymore! I can’t stand hearing the sound of my voice call out one more line!”

Then He would give me rest, encouragement and a new idea. Ahhh…my motivation comes back. I’m hearing His voice. He is by my side. I do feel His strength to get up there and perform, presenting His love, His forgiveness, His miraculous power to transform each and every one of us…even me.

And that’s when I find myself under His submission and protection at the same time. Yes, it’s humbling, but yes, I’ll do it because He is my defense. I will get up there and allow my own weaknesses to flow through this character, because that’s when the world will see that His love will help me to rise above those weaknesses. And when I get to this point, I know my motives are pure. They are not to lift myself up, but to lift up Him and Him alone.

This labor of love that has felt like many, many months in the making, but in actuality has only been weeks, is now almost to completion. My prayers have been answered and my doubts have been put to rest. I waited…and I heard. Now I can do the best part, because my true labor of love is this…to glorify Him with my performance.

Amie Spruiell
9-16-2011