Walking Through Depression...Friday

July 4, 2014

I have never been this depressed regarding my employment situation.  I keep trying to make it work here, as I will have been here for ten years come this November.  There are quite a few things causing my unhappiness, but the bottom line is that I have absolutely no passion in my daily work life.  It is finally causing me to be so unhappy in all of my life.  I don’t have any get up and go to do anything.  I feel like a blob just existing.  I am so sad to say that my passion for the Lord is even slipping.  I guess because I feel so discouraged.

I have tried to talk to friends about it, but mostly they tell me that I need to be grateful for having this job.  And yes, I am grateful for having kept this job for so long.  Their comments don’t help me though; in fact they add feelings of guilt to me for appearing that I am not grateful for being employed during this crazy time we are currently living in.  Or another thing people tell me is to “pull up my boot straps” and deal with it.  Well, if they have never been through a true clinical depression they don’t understand that that does not help one bit.  Thanks, though.  So, now, I feel even more alone, because I don’t want to share my feelings with anyone.

I know I am at a crucial point and need to proceed to Plan B to put my moving forward and moving out of this situation into action. The problem of wanting to eat for comfort is also a challenge, but  I am happy that I can recognize that problem and want to stop myself.  In the past I have always given in to my food cravings.  It is always a satisfying feeling….until the next morning when I feel so upset with myself for caving in, which causes more depression, etc.  Currently, I am exercising more than I ever have on a regular basis, and I don’t want to sabotage my progress with satisfying my taste buds for a temporary fix.

I have a weekend of alone time coming up and my prayer is that I am able to have enough energy and motivation to initiate my plan to move forward.  I need to prepare a resume, begin a list of the goals I have and set my priorities, with the first one restoring my faith in our Father above.  I am so great at encouraging others in their life situations, but, I allow myself to get lost in the muck of yuck and wallow in it for way too long. While this is going on, I fail to turn my life over to my beautiful, knowing Father and walk in faith. 

 Please pray for me to have the strength to follow through with peace on my peaceful weekend.

So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home 

in the body we are away from the Lord,  for we walk by faith, not by sight. 

Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at 

home with the Lord.  So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him.

2 Corinthians 5:6-9

 (ESV)

It is also my prayer that I and all who are suffering depression may find the wisdom and strength from God to do the things we need to do to move beyond it and on into His beautiful light.

Written by 

Kelly Dobyns